On special request...

Honestly, I don't have much to say. The fact that I've promoted two sites on my blog in my last 2 posts should tell you that. But then, I've had a request...

I wrote this a while ago.. It was safely tucked away in the corner of my drafts folder which I hope nobody ever finds!

So, Let's turn a leaf (back) and be mean to colleagues and bosses and anyone you come across by virtue of what you do (very hard) for a living...

I'm extremely tired of massaging egos. I've never particularly been good at massage per se but I could maybe 'bend' now and then. Imagine this. You have a person working with you, he does not know his ass from his face and he asks you why you need something when you already said something to the effect of "I'm asthmatic and I need an inhaler". Which is actually my condition. So now I will quote a few discussions. I know I do this a lot, and it's only fun this way.

"Martin, what is the requirement for extra space on the production floor"
(Read the details you fucking retard, the business is growing)"Coz they're adding more people"
"What kind of people"
(The kind where men have 3 balls and women 3 breasts)"I'm sorry I don't understand"
"I mean what kind of people"
(Oh now I understand what you mean)"They need to have a degree in scum management"
"Okay, so why do they need this profile?"
(Really!!)"Actually we've realised there's a lot of scum that needs to be exterminated"
"Ex.. what?"
"Terminated"
"You mean like kill?"
(Dammit you know that word?) "No like termites infesting a place and then you call it terminated"
"Termites are those white ants no?"
"I'm impressed! Even I did not know the color. But I think you may be right"
"What do you mean may be?"
(since you're Einstein's illegitimate offspring)"I think I'm sure"
"Okay so why are there ants on the production floor"
"Mate, we've asked for pest control"
"So why have you sent this request to me and like I said in the first place what is this requirement for?"
"Oh.. I almost forgot about that.. we sent this requirement to you just for information and you are the greatest scum my friend"
"Hey, don't flatter me"
"Flatter? Seriously you know 'flatter'?"
"Yes.. don't make fun of me"
"Yes, of course not. I won't flatter you anymore. Now can you please read the requirements there?"
"The requirements said they're adding people and they need more seats"
"Yea.. that's what I told you in the beginning"
"But you said there were termites"
"I was just playing with you man"
"Playing what?"
"Termite termination"
"What?"
"It's a new game. You won't know about it"
"So are they adding new people or are they getting rid of termites?"
"Read the requirements document (fuck face)"
"Oh, they are adding new people"
"Yes.. how did you figure it out?"
"Arrey Boss, I'm very observant"
"What a coincidence.. so is my friend's dog's ass hole!"
"Who, is also like me"
"Nevermind, by when can you let me know how soon we can do this"
"Sorry man, you need to contact the administration team if you have termites."
"No.. I'm the one that's sorry.. very very sorry.."

Email Later

Hi Martin,

Is this requirement complete? Can I close from my end?

Regards,

Q


Reply - (C.C. to my personal email ID for future motivation when people feel dumb)

Hi Q,

Guess what. We realised there were no termites! We just had to setup additional seats and we did that. Thanks for your (stupidly) untiring support. (Hope you suck cock in hell).

Also, do you know that we bombed Planet Venus yesterday. They're not happy and we're expecting riots in Delhi. So just stay home!

Martin

P.S. As you already know, I've exaggerated. But there's a mail in the personal inbox which I promise to make public very soon. It may even be more than my exaggeration here.