Faithless

Think of all the things you deeply believe in and you realise that they are all in a way taught to you by people you have faith in. No matter how much you think you're 'self made'.

Imagine living all your years looking up those people who you think were your definition of perfect. Imagine wanting to be like them, even if you could only be a little like them.

Now imagine, it taking a minute for you to realise all that was fake. Yes, that is how you lose faith in everything after..

Confrontation and I

I have always been a very non-confrontational kind of a guy. Almost always. In all my relationships I don't think I was ever the fighting/discussion type (almost all). I would rather leave things to get fixed by themselves." Time heals" is my mantra. I didn't realise how much this attitude, that may have only started as escapism (from things I did not want to think about), has actually become my nature. I find my self so often just ignoring things and thinking they will be fixed by some miraculous occurrence but now the shit has begun to pile up. I can feel it. I think what keeps me safe is that I always have a plan. So in a way, while I may not really fight, I have a plan for if it doesn't go my way. If I does then it's just status quo. Isn't it? Now here is the problem. I think people may have figured this about me and are using this against me to take away the things I deserve. They know I may "express" my unhappiness a little, but then I will just go away and get about doing something else. Not anymore! There are few things that are worth fighting and I promise I will fight The Devil himself if I have to for them.

But I must admit, being non-confrontational can be lonely 'cause as far as I'm concerned, if I don't want to deal with it, I don't want to discuss it. With anyone. Sadly, that doesn't stop the planning that comes instinctively, so at some level I'm still thinking about it.

Anyway.

I realise I have written quite a lot (by my usual standards) in the last few weeks. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad one. I did book an incorrect flight ticket yesterday, a day after writing my last post and although I realised immediately what had happened, I had to shell out another 1500 rupees to amend my booking. All this in about 5 minutes. So I think I've still not passed the curse over. I also had quite a show down (over the phone) with the dude who hit my parked car (it pisses me off every time I think, "it was PARKED"), and that was mostly because he kept calling me "dear". No, not like "Dear Martin", just "dear". Like, "Listen to me dear...", "My car got hit so many times also dear..", "Blah blah blah.. dear..."!! I was so pissed off, that I swear I would have slapped him if he was in front of me (I told you I'm ALMOST always non confrontational). I know you're probably thinking, it's not that bad, right? Try reading all those sentence again and pronounce it as "dee-errr". Yeah, are you feeling it now??

Finally, I have just realised today, that Facebook may have actually saved me from a whole load of explaining that I couldn't really care about. I wish I could give you details, but trust me, they're not important to discuss.

That's it.

My shit luck!

Of late, I find myself being extremely unlucky a lot of times. Not a very good combination I can tell you (extremely unlucky + a lot of times = you’re fucked!). Yes, I started noticing this with some really stupid things, but as they start becoming bigger, I’m getting that fucked feeling for which I discovered the basic formula.  The other thing I’m beginning to fear is that it’s getting stronger the more I talk about it. It’s like one of those things that feeds on people’s fears (or some other shit).

It started with those football games where every team I supported and spoke about, lost! Once I started noticing the pattern, I decided not to say anything and then the Italians got bitch slapped by Spain (whom I was secretly supporting and no one knew, of course). Then there was the famous “near death experience” I wrote about in my last post and yesterday, I was almost convinced that I’m being unlucky a lot of times and I am hence.. you know what! I watched the first set of the Wimbledon final (it’s no secret that I support Federer) and then I had people texting me and asking me to stop watching it. I decided to provide a little more proof to my theory and drove off back to Bombay. Federer won the next three sets, The Wimbledon and regained world number 1 ranking. Not like that part is news to any one (except my dearest friend Vikram Bhalla maybe).

I was telling people in office about my recent experience with bad luck and laughing about it when the security for the building called to tell me that someone had banged into my car in the parking. SOMEONE HIT MY PARKED CAR!! The audience to my earlier discussion was quite stunned as I was also talking about my “feeds on fears” theory. Now no one will talk to me. Not even that person no one talks to! On further investigation of the events leading up to the incident, the guard tells me, it’s just bad luck! Not like I needed for him to tell me that. The guys that hit the car, offered to fix it but ask me to “adjust”. Whatever the fuck he meant by that. I’m still trying to understand how he managed to hit my little car when it was parked between two cars that are the size of a truck! Bad luck I suppose.

P.S.

Car banger – Boss, sorry. But please adjust.

Me – What is that supposed to mean?

Car banger – My car also got hit so many times and I never found the person who did it.

Me – That was your BAD LUCK! Ha!

There is hope. Yes.