The Rainmaker

Something brought this incident back to me today…

We were in 6th Grade when one of the guys told someone that he could make it rain whenever he wanted!! The second guy walked up to our Math teacher and told him about this. Now our math teacher was an absolute sadist. The kind who would wack us with hockey sticks on our bottoms! Also, he was apparently a devout Christian who didn’t take blasphemy very well (obviously). Except when he was pissed off he’d say, “You’re going to wish to God you were never born”. Most people would break down at that sentence.

Anyway, so the teacher was really amused at this claim of making it rain whenever this guys wants. He called this boy right up to the front of the class, pulled out a hockey stick and told him, “Make it rain”. The boy turned around and said that it doesn’t work that way. He can only do it on certain days. (Did I mention the teacher and this boy in my personal opinion were intellectually challenged?) Now this man is freakin’ pissed off at this tall and confident claim! So he turns to this guys (remember it was 6th grade) and tells him, “I’ll crack your skull if you don’t make it rain”. I’m going to tell you at the end of this post what I thought of the entire episode. So keep reading.

Now our rainmaker is shitting green! He knows if he doesn’t do something quick he going to get the beating of his life; that’s when he decides to faint! Obviously, faking it. Our teacher freaks out thinking this boy fainted because he was so scared and he throws a hapless fit screaming for someone to take the boy to the infirmary. Somehow all of in class knew that the little fuck was faking it. A couple of guys carried this guy out of class in the stretcher position, walked 2 floors down, when our hero decides to wake up and tell them he’s just lying. And what did they do? They carried him in the same position back to class and told this teacher.

Our teacher felt like a complete idiot now. It’s not every day that you make an ass of yourself in front of fifty 12 year olds. Out comes the hockey stick again and the verdict is “best of 5” (which means you get 5 shots on your ass with the hockey. The worst is best of 6, so you can imagine the extent of the crime). 1, 2, 3 (aaaah), 4 (sir, pleeeeease, sorry) and “slam” 5!! The boy went crying back to his seat. The bell rang for the class to be over. Our teacher stepped out of the class. It rained.

Thinking back – I remember thinking what a nincompoop adult gets personal with a 12 year old and what even bigger idiot claims he can make it rain. But the biggest idiot of them all is the guy who complained to our teacher. It was July and it would have rained sooner or later!

The teacher walked back into our class looked at this guys who’s holding his ass in both his hands and says, “Shit, how did you do that” (If vehicles could be fueled on stupidity – this man could make a trip to the moon and back, EVERYDAY!)

P.S. The girl said she can make the sun shine on an overcast day. Yeah, the sun did shine 3 hours later.