I didn't want to go an entire month without writing. So here's an excerpt from my chat (fucking G-Talk) with quite a senior person in our finance team.
..all I wanted was the number of people in his department..
Me : Hey Vishal
Vishal : Hi Martin. Happy New Year
Me : Happy New Year sir! How was it?
Vishal : Nothing much, just spent time at home. So, tell me how can I help you
Me : Cool
Me : I'm working on this project and I NEED your HEAD CUNT!
(Like HEAD cunt! No one else will do. It has to be the top madame! And I absolutely NEED her!!)
Me : Shit! Sorry, I meant head COUNT!
I think my hatred towards technology (such as FB, G-Talk) is justified!
P.S. "G-Talk" could easily be a term for dirty conversations. Think about it.
Addendum on 18th Jan
This just in from my dear friend Goutham. Written by a Sr. VP in our company to a "Sameer"
"Sameer, please review Schedule 16 as per instructions below. The centre location is likely to be Areoli!!"
P.P.S "Airoli" is a place in Bombay.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Holidays.. Holidays.. and more!
Two long weekends now.. Ironically this week is for Muharram - a day of mourning and next week is for Christmas - a day for (apart from the binge drinking) celebration! And as with 99% of the world's working class population, all I care about are the long weekends!
In other news - I've been traveling. No, not like a globe trotter more like a have-no-choice traveler. Since I "travel" to Pune every weekend, people think it's in my blood to travel (some shit like that). So the week before last it was Bangalore and then last week was in Calcutta. "Kolkata" actually kind of sounds cute when the Bengalis say it. Use a slightly nasal tone and say "coal-kha-taa". So well, Bangalore was as pretty as ever and shit cold. Calcutta was as ugly as ever and the cold was even shittier but the people I must admit are nicer than most. Then I got back to Pune after all this and the Pune cold made Calcutta look like Miami! Bombay for some strange reason is also very cold. I'm sure by now you get the point that I'm very susceptible to cold temperatures but the winter has to be my favourite season (in India)!
I also plan to WFH on 31st Dec, but I have been told I need to wait till the 28th to get permission. The reason? "In case something urgent or unexpected comes up". Sometimes I really want people to say a statement to themselves, calculate the stupidity of it and then blurt it out. It'll help them from sounding like a donkey! But I shall in the mean time pray nothing urgent or unexpected comes up on the 28th for the 31st. If it does, then I'll just have to kiss all my relationships good bye. The chances are very bleak though (that something will come up) and I'm still trying to get over the statement.
There has also been a crazy surge in my work and I'm not ashamed to say that I still don't need more than 8 hours to do the job. But I have come to realise your "work load" or "no bandwidth" is directly proportional to the number of times you sit on you seat with your head in your hands or act as if you're deaf when some one talks to you while continuing to stare into your laptop like you've seen one for the first time. Better still, skip a few meals.
Looking at my previous posts I realised I haven't said much about my workplace. "Let me state very clearly" that this does not mean I enjoy this place. But I won't say otherwise either.
Also, there have been more additions to married couples in the last few weeks. Thankfully, I've never been the one to give into peer pressure. The only thing I do want to say is that I wish people would stop being so freakin' fake! If you're balls are in your mouth at the thought of getting married, just say so. Don't act like this is the happiest moment of your life cause it's not. It'll become the happiest moment of your life after 10 years yes - but right now if you admit you are a scared wimp, I would say you're just nervous. But telling me this is the happiest moment of your life while you chomp your fingernail way past it can be comfortable says more than you can tell me. All the best to all the married and to-be-married-soon people anyway.
Recently a good friend of mine, who I can claim I know better than most people do, gave me a whole load of shit on relationships or rather "fucking relationships". I tried very hard to explain to my friend that this was just one of those "I'm too awesome for a relationship" trips that people have. But then my friend was too awesome for a relationship. Whatever happened later is another story, all I can say is I smiled to myself when my friend returned to being normal. The moral of this paragraph after the previous one is to stop being fake. It's a lot easier.
I think I've said a lot for today. Plus I now need to hold my head in my hand for a little while. I'm done with typing away on the laptop and acting so deaf that some of my colleagues were actually talking bad about me while sitting beside me! The workload I tell you...
More later...
In other news - I've been traveling. No, not like a globe trotter more like a have-no-choice traveler. Since I "travel" to Pune every weekend, people think it's in my blood to travel (some shit like that). So the week before last it was Bangalore and then last week was in Calcutta. "Kolkata" actually kind of sounds cute when the Bengalis say it. Use a slightly nasal tone and say "coal-kha-taa". So well, Bangalore was as pretty as ever and shit cold. Calcutta was as ugly as ever and the cold was even shittier but the people I must admit are nicer than most. Then I got back to Pune after all this and the Pune cold made Calcutta look like Miami! Bombay for some strange reason is also very cold. I'm sure by now you get the point that I'm very susceptible to cold temperatures but the winter has to be my favourite season (in India)!
I also plan to WFH on 31st Dec, but I have been told I need to wait till the 28th to get permission. The reason? "In case something urgent or unexpected comes up". Sometimes I really want people to say a statement to themselves, calculate the stupidity of it and then blurt it out. It'll help them from sounding like a donkey! But I shall in the mean time pray nothing urgent or unexpected comes up on the 28th for the 31st. If it does, then I'll just have to kiss all my relationships good bye. The chances are very bleak though (that something will come up) and I'm still trying to get over the statement.
There has also been a crazy surge in my work and I'm not ashamed to say that I still don't need more than 8 hours to do the job. But I have come to realise your "work load" or "no bandwidth" is directly proportional to the number of times you sit on you seat with your head in your hands or act as if you're deaf when some one talks to you while continuing to stare into your laptop like you've seen one for the first time. Better still, skip a few meals.
Looking at my previous posts I realised I haven't said much about my workplace. "Let me state very clearly" that this does not mean I enjoy this place. But I won't say otherwise either.
Also, there have been more additions to married couples in the last few weeks. Thankfully, I've never been the one to give into peer pressure. The only thing I do want to say is that I wish people would stop being so freakin' fake! If you're balls are in your mouth at the thought of getting married, just say so. Don't act like this is the happiest moment of your life cause it's not. It'll become the happiest moment of your life after 10 years yes - but right now if you admit you are a scared wimp, I would say you're just nervous. But telling me this is the happiest moment of your life while you chomp your fingernail way past it can be comfortable says more than you can tell me. All the best to all the married and to-be-married-soon people anyway.
Recently a good friend of mine, who I can claim I know better than most people do, gave me a whole load of shit on relationships or rather "fucking relationships". I tried very hard to explain to my friend that this was just one of those "I'm too awesome for a relationship" trips that people have. But then my friend was too awesome for a relationship. Whatever happened later is another story, all I can say is I smiled to myself when my friend returned to being normal. The moral of this paragraph after the previous one is to stop being fake. It's a lot easier.
I think I've said a lot for today. Plus I now need to hold my head in my hand for a little while. I'm done with typing away on the laptop and acting so deaf that some of my colleagues were actually talking bad about me while sitting beside me! The workload I tell you...
More later...
Monday, November 22, 2010
"...and world peace"
Here's what I wish for everyone in the world...
...happiness always
...that special someone
...a happy home
...a lot of love
...a job they love doing everyday
...having a great boss
...not worrying about tomorrow
...lots of sex (okay fine, love making)
...lots of money
...a happy song that plays in your head all the time
...an awesome partner
...a FINE car
...the most awesome friends
...health
...a big house
...lots of courage
...an amazing cell phone (the kind James Bond would have)
...loads of holidays
...and whatever they dream of
AND...
...to leave me THE HELL ALONE!
P.S. I've received some serious feedback on how negative my posts sound. I have happy things to say too. They're not half as fun to read!
...happiness always
...that special someone
...a happy home
...a lot of love
...a job they love doing everyday
...having a great boss
...not worrying about tomorrow
...lots of sex (okay fine, love making)
...lots of money
...a happy song that plays in your head all the time
...an awesome partner
...a FINE car
...the most awesome friends
...health
...a big house
...lots of courage
...an amazing cell phone (the kind James Bond would have)
...loads of holidays
...and whatever they dream of
AND...
...to leave me THE HELL ALONE!
P.S. I've received some serious feedback on how negative my posts sound. I have happy things to say too. They're not half as fun to read!
Friday, November 12, 2010
28
I think there are two conditions in which I do not write. One, when I have nothing to say (obviously) and two, when I have so much to say and I don't know where to start.
Lately, it's been the second.
I think turning 28 is beginning to show.
Lately, it's been the second.
I think turning 28 is beginning to show.
Monday, November 1, 2010
'nother one bites the dust..
This has been an awfully all-my-friends-are-getting-married strange year. It's like a lot of my guy friends decided 2010 is the year that they finally want to give up on their fundamental rights (I'm led to believe this - read on). But, what is quite awesome is ALL of them had love marriages! Maybe they won't give up on their right to freedom of movement from home to office and back after all. :)
An old friend of mine got married last Saturday, another one takes a nose dive into marital "bliss" this weekend. Well I'm happy they're happy, but suddenly my mom is getting older with each passing wedding ceremony. "Son, I'm getting old, you know that. Nothing would make me happier than...". Also, my grandmom has been dying for the last 10 years (God bless her, cause I do love her a lot). Her last wish (for the last 10 years, since I turned 18) was to see me married. Gona got married in Feb this year and another friend Akshay got married sometime this year too (he didn't invite me, but that didn't stop him from getting married). Renin got married last Saturday and Rahul's getting married on the next. I found it quite awkward that Renin's best (married) man was making married jokes in his best man speech. Pretty much to the effect that Renin's life was fucked from now on. I would be shitting green if that is status quo (and I believe I have half a sense of humor).
Now here's my problem with married people. Most married people, who claim to have absolutely found their reason for existence in the Mundaneland will always turn around and tell me, "you'll know when you get married...". Like it's a freakin' curse of having loosies for the rest of your life and everybody knows you're cursed. They're a club and it's irritating when they discuss married things. It scares me to get married.
The other day, someone's wife was unwell. The person in question turned the world upside down. Yesterday Rami was unwell. When I spoke about it, people were not so concerned. "Martin, did you do that thing I was supposed to do (but I'm dumb as a fart so I can't)". It's like a saying I heard back in good ol' Dilli once. "Tumhare bacche - bacche, hamare bacch - aabadi"?. To put it simply, "Your children are children, and ours - population"? When I get married, I swear I will understand that just because you decide to name a relationship differently, I doesn't change the intensity of the relationship itself. I'm begining to dislike married people because of a handful of "I'm married so I'm better than you" people.
I must say that Gona and Sonali are the coolest married people I know. At least they're not like Siamese twins attached at the butt.
And, the next person that tells me, "you'll know when you get married...", I'm going to kick him in the nuts and ask him if he felt any different when he was unmarried.
P.S. Congrats Renin. Congrats Rahul. Hope you guys have a great married life! Just be the way you guys always are.
- No, they didn't marry each other as you would have figured.
An old friend of mine got married last Saturday, another one takes a nose dive into marital "bliss" this weekend. Well I'm happy they're happy, but suddenly my mom is getting older with each passing wedding ceremony. "Son, I'm getting old, you know that. Nothing would make me happier than...". Also, my grandmom has been dying for the last 10 years (God bless her, cause I do love her a lot). Her last wish (for the last 10 years, since I turned 18) was to see me married. Gona got married in Feb this year and another friend Akshay got married sometime this year too (he didn't invite me, but that didn't stop him from getting married). Renin got married last Saturday and Rahul's getting married on the next. I found it quite awkward that Renin's best (married) man was making married jokes in his best man speech. Pretty much to the effect that Renin's life was fucked from now on. I would be shitting green if that is status quo (and I believe I have half a sense of humor).
Now here's my problem with married people. Most married people, who claim to have absolutely found their reason for existence in the Mundaneland will always turn around and tell me, "you'll know when you get married...". Like it's a freakin' curse of having loosies for the rest of your life and everybody knows you're cursed. They're a club and it's irritating when they discuss married things. It scares me to get married.
The other day, someone's wife was unwell. The person in question turned the world upside down. Yesterday Rami was unwell. When I spoke about it, people were not so concerned. "Martin, did you do that thing I was supposed to do (but I'm dumb as a fart so I can't)". It's like a saying I heard back in good ol' Dilli once. "Tumhare bacche - bacche, hamare bacch - aabadi"?. To put it simply, "Your children are children, and ours - population"? When I get married, I swear I will understand that just because you decide to name a relationship differently, I doesn't change the intensity of the relationship itself. I'm begining to dislike married people because of a handful of "I'm married so I'm better than you" people.
I must say that Gona and Sonali are the coolest married people I know. At least they're not like Siamese twins attached at the butt.
And, the next person that tells me, "you'll know when you get married...", I'm going to kick him in the nuts and ask him if he felt any different when he was unmarried.
P.S. Congrats Renin. Congrats Rahul. Hope you guys have a great married life! Just be the way you guys always are.
- No, they didn't marry each other as you would have figured.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Maybe I am OLD.
It's unbelievable how annoying I find 21 year olds. They're way too noisy, they try too hard and they have no clue of who Guns N Roses are. Also, they refer to everyone as "dude"! My generation would find that slightly impersonal. Imagine Vik, if I were to only refer to you as dude. And Rami, I wouldn't dare do that to you! Although, when I do want to let people know that I'm not accepting their "advances", I will constantly refer to them as "Dooooode".
I will use dude once in a while, but yes, more often than not (if I must) I prefer a derivative of a persons name.
If I was younger, I would spend less time discussing PS3 and more time working a basketball strategy on a real court.
P.S. The supreme court has passed a very interesting law on live in relationships. Women can now claim alimony even cause they were living in with a guy.
One more reason for one night stands. Not for me, for the "other" boys. Go Vik!!!
I will use dude once in a while, but yes, more often than not (if I must) I prefer a derivative of a persons name.
If I was younger, I would spend less time discussing PS3 and more time working a basketball strategy on a real court.
P.S. The supreme court has passed a very interesting law on live in relationships. Women can now claim alimony even cause they were living in with a guy.
One more reason for one night stands. Not for me, for the "other" boys. Go Vik!!!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Et tu, Mom?
My mom has a facebook account. I was probably the last person to find out about this. While I suspect that devil Herbert having something to do with it, I will need to investigate this myself when I get home this weekend.
I'm now officially the only person in my family who does not have a facebook account. Actually no. My 86 year old grand mom doesn't have an account too. HA!!
P.S. Has google been playing up or is it just me? I was sent some weird verification code on my mobile phone and after years and years of using g-mail, I had to change my password and then today I found that I'm following my own blog! If that isn't conceited!!!
Also, FACEBOOK is NOT recognised by the dictionary! One more HA!!
Yes, I know how pathetic I sound.
I'm now officially the only person in my family who does not have a facebook account. Actually no. My 86 year old grand mom doesn't have an account too. HA!!
P.S. Has google been playing up or is it just me? I was sent some weird verification code on my mobile phone and after years and years of using g-mail, I had to change my password and then today I found that I'm following my own blog! If that isn't conceited!!!
Also, FACEBOOK is NOT recognised by the dictionary! One more HA!!
Yes, I know how pathetic I sound.
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