I had this very strange feeling out of the blue today that completely over-whelmed me. I realised that I've become this very logical person. Not to say logical as in I developed a sudden sense of logical ability, but like a person who uses their head above the heart.
I was generally considered to be a rather emotional guy by most people who know me. I would much rather deal with the heart, than from the head. Most people (I think) even like me for being that way. But not me. No. I hated being so foolish.
I could talk to people for hours at times. I had so many friends that I could bet each time I went out, I'd bump into someone that was genuinely happy to see me. I think I even cared about most people. About what they'd feel, what they'd think, et cetra, et cetra. But I'm sure I was told that I'm a nice guy! I was so full of energy all the time. I had so many things to do.
I don't know what's made me this way now. It could be my job, my stint at Noida or simply just circumstances. The point is that I've now become quite practical in a lot of ways.
I pick up my phone sometimes and don't really know who to call. Even if I do talk, I'm struggling to keep the conversation alive after 2 minutes (on a good day). It's funny because some of these people I could really talk to. I can't talk about anything but work and I'm supposed to have a pretty normal life (?) outside of it. I have this little comfort zone and NOBODY'S allowed inside. Most people think I'm a very boring person. I'd much rather stay home and sleep than meet anyone. The strangest part is I like myself this way.
Today something made me realise how much distance I've put between myself and people. I see I've become a person that I would pity in my former state. I see my old self in people and feel sorry that they feel that they can't even communicate with me. The hardest part is I still sleep so peacefully. The selfishness takes charge. Having said that - I think I make better decisions now. They are all for me. How I feel, how I want, what suits me.
I wonder what happened.
P.S. "I believe whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you stranger" - The Joker
I was generally considered to be a rather emotional guy by most people who know me. I would much rather deal with the heart, than from the head. Most people (I think) even like me for being that way. But not me. No. I hated being so foolish.
I could talk to people for hours at times. I had so many friends that I could bet each time I went out, I'd bump into someone that was genuinely happy to see me. I think I even cared about most people. About what they'd feel, what they'd think, et cetra, et cetra. But I'm sure I was told that I'm a nice guy! I was so full of energy all the time. I had so many things to do.
I don't know what's made me this way now. It could be my job, my stint at Noida or simply just circumstances. The point is that I've now become quite practical in a lot of ways.
I pick up my phone sometimes and don't really know who to call. Even if I do talk, I'm struggling to keep the conversation alive after 2 minutes (on a good day). It's funny because some of these people I could really talk to. I can't talk about anything but work and I'm supposed to have a pretty normal life (?) outside of it. I have this little comfort zone and NOBODY'S allowed inside. Most people think I'm a very boring person. I'd much rather stay home and sleep than meet anyone. The strangest part is I like myself this way.
Today something made me realise how much distance I've put between myself and people. I see I've become a person that I would pity in my former state. I see my old self in people and feel sorry that they feel that they can't even communicate with me. The hardest part is I still sleep so peacefully. The selfishness takes charge. Having said that - I think I make better decisions now. They are all for me. How I feel, how I want, what suits me.
I wonder what happened.
P.S. "I believe whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you stranger" - The Joker
it's about time, man.
ReplyDeletefuck everyone else. nobody deserves shit.
Exactly man - nobody deserves (this) shit!
ReplyDelete