Dear Ex...

Dear Ex(es),

Hope this post finds you in the best of health (honestly, I don't care!).

I saw a friend turn from jolly to jelly in about 2 minutes the other night and it made me think later about all the things that people want to say to their exes. That by the way is the plural of Ex and "exs" sounds wrong. You get the point, don't you? He was at one moment talking about all his "good times" and in another he was as hurt as a naked guy sliding down a razor's edge and using his balls as breaks (I heard that in class 7 and it still hurts)!!

Now why is the nice person always left behind in a relationship (or the lack of it)? Why do the good one's end up being hurt? Why do they get scarred forever? Why do they become like dogs that have always been tied up and beaten, then one day when they were freed they bit the first person who came along lovingly? That last one was not mine but had to be included in here for it's sentimental and contextual reasons. The smart among us already know what I mean. (Note - Smart is singular). The answer is because they are STUPID! Sorry dudes and dudettes who thought I was writing for you.

So, my dear exes, I thank you for making me this way today. I know if I lose someone I will get over it. I know every girl I meet when I'm single is a potential ex-girlfriend (reference of the dog comes in here). I don't really care about most people anyway. Which also means there are those very few I do care about. Those are the one's that are extremely close to me. I will not discuss their lives (mentioning one line in a post is not discussing BTW) with anyone and even more I will not discuss my relationship with them. I'm not being protective, don't get me wrong - it's just lesser effort when they join your club and even lesser effort to make myself look like a boring person so I don't have to make small talk with anyone.

I know how much you must hate me. I know you must curse me at times and even feel pity for me. Good on you - cause I'm indifferent. Like I said I don't care. I've heard so many say "You'll never find a person like me". Sweetie if I don't want you, why THE HELL would I want a person like you? I can live with hurting someone now cause I know they'll eventually get over it, so don't bother to lump your sob stories on me. Another one bites the dust. You got what you deserved and so did I. Fin!

Love always,

Martin

P.S. This post is not targeted at anyone. Especially none of my Exes. (Did that help????). I guess not! But honestly, it's meant for a friend who I'm sure will pick it up in the morning and have a smile on his face (hunting season begins!).