Shaken, stirred and more

I know it’s been a lifetime since I wrote my last post. I’ve just been lazy and quite content with putting up fleeting thoughts on Facebook. Yes, you read that right and yes, for all those people that got trolled last year, you have been vindicated. I even have 585 friends (fuckin’ hell yeah!). How many do you have, huh?

A lot has happened in the last 5 months (damn, has it been that long?). The last post I wrote was about La Verde and since then, I’ve been to Manila twice again (for 6 weeks the second time), La Verde shut down, relocated and re-opened.  I was present for the shut down but not for the remaining festivities. But the good thing was that because they shut down, I discovered many other places and boy, am I glad I did! People think it’s awesome that I get to travel on my work to foreign lands (they also assume these are full of naked women ready to fall at your feet or… ahem). But honestly it is not all that. When you do travel, almost every single minute of your day is planned and every last drop of blood is sucked out from your body!! Okay, that may be a little too much but it is usually quite hectic and not always fun filled.

So what made me write after so long? I have been following this blog for some time now. Rami recommended it to me. Kima is a Mizo guy that lives in Bombay and after reading some of his stuff today, I really felt inspired to write again. Even if that means it’ll be just this one post. Apart from that, I’ve also been feeling completely betrayed at work, and I would usually hold back on saying something like this in a public forum so you can imagine the extent of my frustration right now. I would like to go into the details of what happened, but I don’t think anyone would be interested in that. Let’s just say, that after having worked my ass off so hard for the last one year, ignoring my near and dear, never having the time (and being absolutely pooped or shitfaced when I do have the time), I have just been let down  so bad. I usually like to think of myself as someone who would pick up the pieces and move on pretty quickly. But not this time, no. I refuse to be tormented by corporate decisions anymore. What am I going to do about it? That I will not mention here, but as with everything else in my life I have a plan and a plan B (and Plan B2!). But worry not, It won’t kill me (or so I hope).

The funny thing is I’ve always had amazing bosses. They have all been amazing human beings but I used to have a team of people working with me at one time and I think I was not a bad human being either, but most importantly I think I was a strong boss. This is what people look for; this is at least what I would look for.

Anyway.

Of late, I’m beginning to feel like age is catching up with me. Yes, I’m going to be 30 in November (*realization - holy shit!) and I still feel like I have so much to do. A lot of my friends, who not too long ago were getting married, now have babies or are pregnant or realizing their marriage is not working and I’m still a long way off square one. And I’m not a commitment phobe (well, not completely at least). To start with, I have started liking veggies, I love watching the news (financial news is orgasmic) and food shows and I cannot cross the road without thinking everyone of the motorists are a part of some conspiracy to knock my behind off the road. The other day I almost wore my trousers till my chest! Is anybody feeling what I’m talking about? The cock up is that people generally say the body ages and not the heart. For me it the other way round**! I FEEL OLD!! I think I’m just going to pick up my walking stick and leave now.

I haven’t stuck to the resolution that I made in the beginning of the year and that is not anything new as far as resolutions go. I remember about 10 years ago I started making resolutions every year for the next 5 to quit smoking. I quit making resolutions after.
More later. Hopefully.

P.S. **If your nose runs and your feet smell, you’re built the wrong way

La Verde - A bar away from a home bar!!

Finally, I've got my lazy self to write about what was probably the most interesting part of my stay in Manila. La Verde Bar (I can feel a lump in my throat already). The bar is in one corner or a mall called Festival mall and for most of the people reading this - the mall is probably about 20 times the size of Inorbit in Malad, 30 times the size of Nucleus in Pune and 10 times the size of Macy's in New York! Basically, it freaking huge!! So big that in all my times of visiting it, I would get lost. I never entered and left from the same gate in the mall.

The funny thing is, I very often came to the exit where the bars were. That's probably coz I just closed my eyes and let my Jedi powers lead me to the correct exit :). The Filipinos will always insist that this is not half as big as Mall of Asia - which is the biggest mall around. It's so big that they're considering giving a status of a city! Yes, that was a joke. I would generally go to the mall to exchange money (not coz I was getting drunk so often but coz they always had the best exchange rate and for an Indian man, that rocks!) and I would always control my expenses (again, Indian man) by exchanging only 100 dollars at a time. So, in a nutshell I went there about six times. It did helped that it was a 10 minute walk from the hotel.

I loved the place so much that it's just easy to get carried away and forget what I started talking about. La Verde (another lump in my throat).

Discovering La Verde was complete serendipity. I got back from the office one night (at about 1:15 am) absolutely famished and hoped like most places around my office I would get something to eat at the hotel. Around the office I could eat McDonalds and Jollibees (the Filipino equivalent of McDonalds) 24 hours a day. But, there's only so much bread with chicken/beef cutlets I can eat. The hotel staff told me they shut down at 12:30am (whaaaaat!) and I could go to a place around the corner called Yellow Cab - pizzas and pasta kind of place. Not what I wanted. So the cab guy that drove me to the hotel recommended "Festibaal". He told me there were some bars there where I could get some regular food till early in the morning. I was to find out that early in the morning meant 11:00am!! So off we were to "Festibaal". Until that point, I'd only seen one side of the mall and this dude actually drove me past two red lights to one corner of the mall. I could already hear the music from a distance.

Once I got off, I had a choice of about 10 places I could go to (1:40am) all buzzing with energy. All I wanted was for something to eat and head back. I walked around and picked the place with the cleanest bar seats knowing that I would picked on by the cross dressers if I sat on a regular table. "Sir Martin" had arrived! I sat at the bar and this guy immediately knew I was a foreigner.

"Hello sir, where are you from"
"Mumbai"
"Where is that, sir"
"In India, it's also called Bombay"
"Oh, I know Bombay sir. You drink whiskey there."
"No, actually I only drink Vodka and beer"
"But Indian people like.. Blimpers Bride"
"Blimpers Bride?? Hahahha.. No, Blenders Pride"
"Never mind. Drink San Miguel Lite, very good beer"
(Cross dresser walks on to the stage at 1:50 am)"Okay, give me a pint and your food menu"

The San Miguel Lite came on in 10 seconds and I ordered spicy chicken wings with french fries. The safest thing without bread. The guy at the bar then told me my order would take 20 minutes, which I was okay with, since the big gulp of the awesome San Miguel Lite made me realise a couple more of the lite wouldn't hurt. It was three San Miguels before the food actually came (2:20am) and I ate like a Somali kid..

Once done (about 2:45am, I think), I ordered another San Miguel and the cross dresser had already spotted me as the foreigner in the crowd. The next few minutes could have been hell but thanks to the beer on my empty stomach, I was a little high already. The next few minutes were like this,

"Hello Sir. Where are you from?"
"Bombay" (they don't recognise Mumbai - Yay!)
"Ohhhhh, Bombay, India. Would you like us to sing Jai ho for you?"
"Not really, I don't like that song too much"
"What is your name sir?"
"Martin"
"Martin??? Ohhh, welcome to La Verde, Sir Martin (I could hear bagpipes in my head with a king laying a sword on each of my shoulders, saying, "I pronounce thee, Sir Martin"). My name is Xena (like the warrior princess)"

This was the begining of "Sir Martin". I stayed there till about 4am, eating more French fries and getting picked on by Xena. He/She finished his/her lot and came up and spoke to me. That would be my first friend at La Verde. A 41 year old cross dressing man. I promised I would come back soon and left coz I needed to sleep. On the way out I met they bartender and all he said was, "See you on Friday sir, my name is Jek". I had to go back now.

This was only my first time in this place and it only gets better each time. I'm going to talk about all the friends I made there, including Xena. But I think I've written enough for now. More in the next post! It's going to be worth the wait! :)

P.S.

Xena: Sir Martin, do you like Filipinas?
Me: I have a girlfriend!
Xena: But do you think Filipinas are beautiful?
Me: Yes, but not like I want to do anything about it!
Xena: Sir Martin, Do you think my tits are nice?
Me: I need to go throw up!
Xena: You like them soooo much??
Me: You're disgusting!
Xena: Then you'll like me better in bed!

That was the first time they picked on me after calling me Sir Martin.

It's more fun in the Philippines..

Mabuhay Folks!!

The title is the tag line for the Philippine tourism and I have to say they're not too off. Coming from Bombay,  where a pint of beer costs you 200 rupees to being in Manila where in a good place you'd get it for 47 pesos (almost 47 rupees), you ought to have more fun! The Filipino people themselves are some of the sweetest people you can meet. They make you feel so important and I even got the title of "Sir Martin". It's just an awesome place to be in. But then at some point you do start to miss the food (being the Indian that I am) and home. Given the opportunity though, I would go back, several times!!

Now about my hotel room. First, it was not a room. It's an apartment, complete with a cooking range, a kitchen more functional than the one I have in Bombay, a dining room that reminds me of the days when my mom was still in the army and overall the place was bigger than my house in Bombay. It's another matter that houses in Bombay are the size of a matchbox. The staff down there were just brilliant, or maybe they were just Filipinos. I realised very soon when I walked into the place that I was going to miss it when I leave. And miss it I did! For reasons more than one. To start off, I could see a mall called the Festival Mall right from my room. No, I'm not a fan of malls, but this mall has an entire section in one corner which is full of "bars" as they call it in Philippines. More about the bars later, I also had a hotel cab drive me to and fro from work each day, which I can tell you reduced the stress I encountered in a day by almost half. The other outstanding this about the hotel was that I could smoke in my room - it's outstanding 'cause there are very few places in the world where you can still do that (going by my last travel to the UK).

The bars in the Philippines are mind blowing! Most of them have live music, actually come to think about it, I never saw one where the DJ played all the music. It's bands that come and play all the latest songs and I have to say they are amazingly talented. The other thing is that all these bars usually have cross dressers and/or gay men compering the entire show. I couldn't understand a word of what they were saying but from the crowds reaction I could tell they were hilarious. There was one bar in particular that I frequently visited called La Verde. More about it in my next blog (don't forget the strategy now). Most of the bars are open from 3:00pm (I almost wrote afternoon after pm :p) to 11:00am (you're reading it correct - 11am!!). Yes, that is 20 hours a day, 7 days a week. That's 15 hours and a day more than most places in Pune are open and just when we thought Bombay and Delhi have a night life, welcome to place where they have and after night life!! I told you - "It's more fun in the Philippines!!" And I already told you that a pint of beer costs 47 bucks here. In India it would not even be legal to get drunk with such little money!! I also made friends at La Verde which meant I could also order anything (even if it was not on the menu) and the chef would specially make it for me. I am "Sir Martin" after all, am I not?

And I know how bad some people reading this post want to know about the girls in Philippines. They are gorgeous!! Thankfully my girlfriend is too - so it was easy not to get carried away. That and the thought that some of them may actually be men! But yes, on the whole the women are beautiful and the straight men are smart. As a community, I think they really know their fashion and pull anything off easily. Much like the north eastern Indians. To be honest their cultures are very similar too.

My next post is going to be dedicated to La Verde Manila and it's awesome people. I spent many good times in my 3 weeks here and unfortunately I have very few pictures to show for it. But I do have someone that is writing a blog on their visit to Manila. I introduced him to the good place as well. So I'm just going to steal some pics off his blog. Till then...

The strategy is now in action!

So, I finally bought an entire carton of Benson & Hedges Special Filter from "Free Duty" to kill that bloody craving! I don't know why I didn't just buy Marlboro. I thought I'd smoked B&H before, but that first drag made me feel like something sucked out all the moisture from my throat. It was almost like I'd smoke a joint! Maybe it was just the cigarette after so long and the obvious dehydration from not drinking water for so long. It's a little weird for my to drink water from those funny taps where the flow of water is actually upwards. It's not the flow of water that bothers me though, it's the position I feel I'm in while trying to take a drink. Try it - you'll know what I mean! Well, I'm now stuck with those cigarettes and I think I'm getting used to them. I'm sure by the time I'm habituated it will be time to get back to Gold Flake Lights! Next time I'll just buy my carton in India instead of trying to be a cheap ass! Lesson learned Misters Benson and Hedges.

Eventually the airline staff did come back to me, the guy actually looked for me till he found me (making a big mistake) in the "Free Duty" area. He handed me my boarding pass and said, "You're visa is okay". I had no energy to fight with the man and conveniently assumed that the Chinese dude probably meant my BAGGAGE was okay. Why would he be worried about my Philippine visa anyway? Not like I was going to stay in his country! He then asked me to accompany him to his desk and I can swear he took the long way around with all the walkways moving in the opposite direction. He even walked like he was wearing roller stakes with me trying to keep up and almost lugging my handbag. Anyway, I reached his desk where he asked me to show him my passport and then gave me my boarding pass (after taking it back from me) and said, "Baggage don't claim"! If this was another country I would have tried to give him my kung-fu super kick!! I then explained to him that he had already wasted a lot of my time and now if I had to go through immigration and collect my baggage and then return, I was sure to miss my flight. To which he said, "Yes, baggage no claim. Go have cigarette and catch flight. Come I show you cigarette place". I'm not making up his sentences, I promise! Finally,  after "seeing" the cigarette place, regretting my decision and with peace in my heart I walked away as far as the airport would allow from mainland China!

I'm was almost 24 hours without sleep and hoped to catch some shut eye before I reached Manila and ran straight to office. On the flight I was seated next to this lady and her plump 5 year old son. (I just think "plump" fits the description of that boy so well). I had the aisle seat and she requested me to take the window seat instead, to which I politely agreed. What I did not think is that why would a lady with a plump 5 year old not want a window seat? As I sat down, I could see this boy trying desperately to look out of the window from the middle seat, so I asked him if he wanted to sit there. His mom didn't allow him to sit there and she said if she did, he wouldn't allow her to rest. Alright. The flight took off and the lady went to sleep like a baby, while the plump 5 year Filipino boy jumped all over me to look out of the window. I could have hit him if he didn't have such a scary looking mother. The little plump dude almost knocked my entire lunch on lap at one time!! I really wish I had like a dart gun with tranquilisers - I would use all my ammo on that boy. And then reload and do it all over again. Eventually, I did not get any sleep, stood in the immigration line for an hour, waited 30 minutes for my baggage (funny it's called that) and finally dragged myself to a cab to the hotel.

The hotel room was such a surprise!! But I'll keep that for my next post.

 P.S. I don't smoke up. I did once and I knew how it felt. Hence, the reference to the joint. Don't be getting ideas!!

Happy New Year and whatever..

My New Year resolution is to update my blog more often. Really.

It's not too much fun when you're writing a post at 8:30am at an Airport Terminal (Hong Kong) without any sleep since yesterday morning (and with a bad hangover), and have no cigarettes and don't want to buy any 'cause your travelling to a country (Philippines) where a packet of Marlboro costs $1 as opposed to having to buy an entire carton of them in what is probably the worlds most expensive "Free Duty". No, that's not a typo - that what the Chinese people call it, "Free Duty". Now whatever in the fuck that means. All this while waiting for one of the Airline staff to confirm if your check-in baggage can be transferred automatically, or if you will need to go through immigration, get a 14 day visa stamped, then collect your baggage, come right back through immigration and walk 1 1/2 kms to the boarding gate. I shit you not! The funny thing about this walk, is that they actually have walkways that move only in the opposite direction!! Who says the Chinese don't have a sense of humor? I think they're fucking laughing at me right now, hiding in those many many corners of the terminal.

But if a land of my fantasy were to exist, I'm quite sure it's somewhere in China.

P.S. The technique is going to be - have short posts and write often, even if you have loads of things to say today, hold it for 5 days later! Let's see how it works!!

So I finally did go through November without venting out on the blog!

A lot has happened since my last post. But I'm not going in to all of it now 'cause it will just be useless rant which excites no one. That is if anyone is still stopping by here at all.

I have to admit, being on facebook has actually taken away the joy of writing here. I miss the bashing - oh wait, "flogging" I could deliver here. Not that I can't do the same on FB but when you have aunts, uncles their aunts and uncles all on your "friends" list you have to be that extra careful. I first thought it was a some sick joke that someone was playing on them by putting up profile of these really old people and then I realised it was them that were playing the sick joke on me! Anyway, I'm not about liking and commenting on everytime someone breaks wind and decides to put it up on FB. But yes, it has become a part of life where people can now successfully "Catch you bro" on FB. (Is my repetition of "FB" making me fit in yet?)

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Well, it's almost the end of they year. My ambition was to get a certain digit salary annually by the end of this year - I did not get it. I guess when you're stuck doing something, you may as well hope you get paid well! The work has been extremely hectic this year, just like it was last year and the year before! But in the current setup of things, I'm not complaining (just in case the boss reads this post).

About the year now - I think it's been a good year on the whole. Nothing bad happened, so it's good!! I can't wait for the next year now, where I hope a lot of things will fall into place and I will turn 30! Don't go imagining things now.

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Richard and Ruati finally got married! I say finally, 'cause only I can tell you the rollercoaster of a relationship it has been. Okay, actually even the two of them can tell you about it! Now that leaves me next. At the wedding, most people came up to me saying that my "path was cleared now" and "you're next" and blah! I had to constantly remind them of how we were celebrating the wedding and not the clearing of some "pathway"! For the older people who said "you're next", I can't wait to meet them at a funeral. Guess what I'm going to say to them! Anyway, It was a great celebration mostly because of all the alcohol involved! And yes "I'm next"!

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What else do you want me write about? :p

I almost forgot my blog!!

Blame it on facebook, where I'm quite "active" as most people say, I have almost forgotten that I have a blog! Not that I have much to say here or on the FB page, but then my usual obsession of not wanting to go through a month without posting comes in to action ever so often! And shit, I'd almost missed the deadline!

Like I said, I don't have much to say, which also usual means that I either do not know where to start or I'm too lazy to say it. This time it may be the latter.

Things I could write about though are

1. Richard getting married (Yes! Really!!)
2. How my non-married status will be the single greatest crime in the history of mankind (in about 28 days)
3. My trip to Manila (and how I will be one more b'day celebration away from anyone that cares)
4. ... And my usual "until now" rant...

But I'll keep that for later.

P.S. Manila is the capital of Phillipines, Manali is the world capital of WEED! I'm going to the former for WORK! The next person that confuses the two (I can't even understand how if you're IQ is above 10 can you do that) will receive a post dedicated to their stupidity. And I promise hyperbole like you've never seen it before!!