Our fragile lives...

Last night when I got back home from work, my mum told me that my elder brother was admitted in the hospital. He had to be taken there while he was at work. He had high blood pressure and the doctors even suspect he may have had a mild heart attack!

Richard, my elder brother, will not come across as someone who could suffer from this. He stands over 6'2" and is close to 85 kilos and is healthy as a bull (from where I see it). He's normally calm as a cucumber and doesn't really take too much load in life.

I saw him at the hospital (at about 1:30am) and he still had a normal looking smile and looked pretty "pink of health" to me. He asked for a book to read - which tells me he feels absolutely normal.

I don't know what to make of all this. What I do know is that his work stresses him out. Which makes me look back and I remember saying that it's just not worth it.

Our lives are way too fragile. I don't want to spend mine thinking about all the things that went wrong. I don't have the energy anyway. A very good friend of mine had to actually call me up (from very far) and tell me that I have become very wierd. That is just me - recuperating. It's me pulling all that I have together again. My instincts in the past have led me to be like this before knowing I'm going to need it. I know why.

Get well soon Richard!

And all of you out there - no matter how important something you do is to someone else, make sure it's important to you. Keep well.

Hopeless

I've woken up from my sleep from this crazy dream about work.

Now I'm all awake with these thoughts rushing through my head, wondering what the fuck am I supposed to do tomorrow!

I should not have to punish myself for the short-comings of others. But such is my life. Looking back, I realised I have very often been the victim of someone else's inabilities. I've become a lot more patient and a lot less confident now. This is absolutely unlike me. I can't even say I'm going to fight back. This time I'm out numbered and out (not so) smarted! There are just too many issues to deal with and it's just not worth it.

Maybe these are signs. I don't know. What I do know is that it's making me stronger each day. I'm getting more and more immune to being pushed around.

What they don't understand is that it's not a problem when something goes wrong and I react. It's a problem when something goes wrong and I don't react. I've lost faith in a lot of people. It's good. It's all good!!

P.S. The details are not necessary. Everyone sucks!

The idle mind

These days I hardly have any work in office. I just sit around and do almost nothing and I must be damn darned brave or stupid to write this just before my appraisal. (Yes, where I work appraisals period is Jan to Dec not Apr to Mar like most other places - It's our attempt at being different. Oh, but the salary hike takes effect only in April).

I also have this crazy knack of getting bored too easily. I'm bored most of the time. I get bored of people, places, work and even if something fun is happening for too long, I'd be bored! So you see this talent of mine coupled with no work makes me a very dangerous entity. I sit all day and think about how I can get rid of my job or how I can do something fun (which will eventually turn out boring).

Then there is Ninja! My absolute favourite game in the world right now. Simple as ABC but exciting as... well, Ninja. I would go into describing the game right now but I know how interested everybody is about reading that. I sometimes spend almost 6 or 7 hours at playing it (and looking back at my post, yes, I must be very stupid to say all this before the appraisal). Okay, now I'm bored of writing this post.

The appraisal discussion is on Thursday. My boss is a nice man so I shall not pour my heart out. In any case it's only a 30 minute discussion. So there goes.. All the best Martin!

It's Alive!!

The internet is finally working at home! So what if that took 2 months? So what if it meant several trips to the office of the ISP? So what if we've reached a stage where we can be happy it works rather than pissed it took so long!

Expect more action on the blog!

I'm back & a retraction

And my holiday is over. The evidence of which is the 789 unread e-mails.

I find it interesting when people tell you to take some time off if you're stressed at work. Do they ever think of what happens when you come back from that time off? The shit hits the ceiling!!

Retraction...
In my last post I mentioned that I received feedback for my posts being very long and boring unlike Vikram's so I will write about random stuff with no opinion.

I did not mean that Vikram's post are random and have no opinion. Anyone who follows his blog will tell you that his post are certainly not random and he takes opinion to another level altogether (in a good way). It was my lame attempt at humor which obviously is also cock-eyed! Sorry Vik! Keep the funnies coming.

P.S. Since my vacation to Rajasthan and Amritsar was purely for family affairs I don't have much to say about it. It was good. No news is good news I guess.

I?m going away!!!

I?m on vacation from 16th Nov to 23rd Nov and then we?re off for Thanksgiving (yes, Thanksgiving) on the 26th and 27th Nov. Which mean I technically have only 3 working days left this month.

I know it?s not important. But it?s worth 20 posts on my blog to me and maybe when I come back I can pursue opportunities! It all feels so good!

In other news, I?ve received feedback saying that my posts are too long and boring (unlike Vikram?s). So I?ve decided that going forward I shall write about absolutely random stuff with no opinion of my own. You see when the going gets tough, the tough get going (does that count as opinion?). Whatever?

I worked on my birthday which a lot of people thought was extremely boring of me, including people at office. Well, what the fuck do you expect me to do on a Tuesday? Let?s see. That?s exactly the kind of day all my friends would be available for me to go out and party with. The birthday resolution BTW was to stop being sarcastic. It?s working as well as GPRS in old Delhi. You get the point?
Also, I received no gifts on my birthday and Gona still hasn?t wished. I?m not a sucker for birthdays, so I don?t care about it.

I can now post on my blog from office thanks to igoogle. I don?t need to access blogger (which is blocked). So this is me explaining why my future posts are going to be filled with frustration, anger and helplessness. The problem is I can?t read anyone?s blogs or comments on mine. The internet connection should have been fixed 2 weeks ago and then reality slapped India into my face. I?m not going to complain about it anymore.

That?s the latest.

P.S. I?ll be in Rajasthan for my vacation and if I feel like I may put some pictures here. Important is ?if I feel like?. I doubt I will. That?s not opinion, it?s me.
Have a good week.

27

That's how old I am today. Two years on the wrong side of 25. Too much pressure comes with this age. I feel I still have so much to do before I turn the corner to being 30. This really sucks!

Well, Happy Birthday to me!

P.S. If a soothsayer said you have another couple of years to live would you still want to be wished "Happy" birthday?