Saturday, July 24, 2010

This is how I had to learn..

Then there are people like me in this world. Who believe they're extremely strong inside. We can conquer any situation, come out of a problem unscathed and land on our feet each time we fall. We have a solution to every problem that we or anyone can face. We've understood existence and secrets of survival - and we will always be okay. Mind you, just okay.

I've often felt this way and when faced with a problem I just withdraw from the world and want to be left all alone. If I can sleep over it, I will get over it. And this is how it's been all these years.

I've stayed away from people only 'cause I was pulling my self together to be the unbreakable person again. I love it each time that I feel that way. But today something happened.. and I never thought I'd feel that again. I felt a fraction of the hurt I've felt when people left or my heart was broken. I'm still amazed. Here it goes.. I know you'll probably laugh at me.

About 4 years ago, I finally bought my very first possession. A bike. It was (and probably still is) the most beautiful bike that was ever made in India. A lot of people agree to that. I felt like a real stud on the bike. It got me so much attention. But somehow I don't think I rode too well 'cause I fell off it way too many times. Maybe the bike was too powerful for me after all. That's when Herbert inherited it. And last week he sold the bike (obviously with my permission). I did not care.

I went this morning to have the sale papers signed and there it was. The most beautiful of the bikes standing among hundreds. It was the best bike I've ever seen. Strange thing is, all this time when it was still there, I would not even notice if it was in the parking or not. I tried to avoid it and just sign the papers and get out. But I just kept looking at it. Finally, I asked the guy if I could sit on it. He smiled and said, "You know, it's still yours". I just turned around.. walked out of the lot and signed the papers without even looking back once.

On the way back home, I felt that heaviness in my heart. The heaviness that makes us human. The feeling that tells us we're in love when something isn't right. So it was only a fraction of the heaviness yes, but it was for a bike!

It's one of those days where I don't feel so smart.

P.S. Happy Birthday Mom!

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