Saturday, September 19, 2009

The Death of Innocence

“As innocent as a lamb”. Mind you, not sheep but lamb.
They say children are God’s angels on earth and then they figure the earthly ways. I love babies (when they belong to other people) and the thing I love the most about them is their innocence (though there was that kid from Omen too). It’s amazing how a baby will smile at an absolute stranger and even land them a free peck from time to time. They don’t worry about the next day and play with their own toes (an adult playing with other people’s toes is not in the same category). Everything about them makes me so happy. Then they start growing up…

Kids between ages 3 to 6 are by far the most annoying (of angels). They’re still innocent but you can see the way they will look at the opposite sex. The seeds of trouble have been sown. They have questions about everything. The most annoying ones being with “Why”.

Kid – Why do birds fly?
Adult – Because they have wings (and hollow bones and by law of aerodynamics their structure is perfect for flight)
Kid – Why do they have wings?
Adult – Because God gave them wings (kids never ask you “who is God”. Think about it)
Kid – Why did God give them wings?
Adult – Because he wanted them to fly
Kid – Why didn’t God give me wings?
Adult – ??? (because you’re irritating!!) Look, Ice-cream… which one will you have?
Kid – Chocolate. Why is chocolate brown?
Adult – Look.. balloons!!

I had the fortune of being a prefect in school for a Kindergarten class and I’ve done it all from tying shoe-laces to pulling down the zipper so they could take a pee. Nothing compares to the questions! Innocent they are, nevertheless.

Ages 7 to 10 are the most interesting. They’ve just learnt from playing doctor that women and men are in fact different. I’m not even going to mention the questions that I’ve heard from this age group which is suddenly very interested in anatomy. You would think that everyone of these little rascals is going to be a doctor when they grow up (all the little boys will be gynecologists!). They run around the entire day and the fake fighting tells you the sounds our ancestors may have made in order to communicate (boosh, awww, ah-dish, etc.). All of them are freakin’ descendants of Bruce Lee. Innocence slowly dying... it must be a house-fly!

Now comes the hard part – puberty and boy bands. Ages 11 to 15. This is the most confused of the lot. They think they’re teenagers but don’t have a clue of how to act. They’ll even talk to a 25 year old with this sense of confidence that would put Lara Croft & Indiana Jones (put together) to shame. Scrap books, Friendship bands, boy band CDs, porn CDs are some of their paraphernalia. The porn CDs exist and if you have brothers or sisters of this age look under their mattress. The girls start “growing” and the men are enamored. (Oh look... the “sapling” of trouble!) The first relationships, plan of living together always, ice-cream and coffee, chick-flicks, Nikes, rock metal tees and the ugly first few facial hair (for boys and some girls too!). The innocence is dead. The reason? Those bleeding hormones. (Bleeding I realized is a very sensitive term here. It’s been used in the same context as bloody, so don’t get me wrong)

Welcome now to the worst phase of the lot. After this phase you find a job, hardly have a life, think about how cute babies are and then write a blog entry about it. Some people go to the extent of reading the entry.
Ages 16 to 21. Anatomy and Biology learnt (from friends). Chemistry experienced. My favorite group. They all have very cool ambitions and usually have a hobby which relates to things that did not even exist 3 years ago. They’ve realized boy bands are gay and now listen to the same guys who have gone solo realizing they were gay! They’re so technologically savvy that I’m sure they’d actually outplay me in basketball because they already know all the tricks from NBA 2008. A lot of them are borderline obese but the hair is still spiked. I wonder if like vertical strips the spiked hair makes one look thinner. The ionic bond between cool bikes and hot babes confuses me. There’s no such thing as personality at this age. The innocence was long dead. They’re probably “creating” innocence. But after everything said, they grow up the quickest. I think I personally learnt most at this stage of my life. A Broken heart and rock music can teach you so much.

P.S. Ages 21 to 25 – I’ve realized these were the most beautiful years of my life… I wish I could live them again, even if it was just for a day. Hence, I’m not going to make any smart comments about this age group.

Age 26 onwards – They mostly have married friends. The one’s that are not married usually have nagging parents. The one’s who have neither, are on drugs!!

1 comment:

  1. you're going to make a great father someday, Martin!!

    ha ha ha ha ha!!