Sunday, July 26, 2009

She & He

“All men are Bastards”, she said slamming the door behind her, almost breaking his nose in the process (intentionally). He was too proud to call her back; she was even more to agree it was her fault as much as his. Days passed and became weeks – the hatchet was buried. They were the ‘perfect’ couple again.
She always liked to walk two steps ahead of him. It made her feel superior. She was always the boss and this is how it was going to be forever between them. She asked him to pick her up every day from the gym. As usual they drove to the juice bar. She would have the mixed fruit drink and he nothing. She would tell him about how she felt good about her body and how he was so lazy. She would always want him to hit the gym with her. He preferred his Saturday tennis. She loved loud parties and somehow so did he. She’d complain how he drank too much and how he’d never change. She would be the life of every gathering and he, the quiet one in the corner. She’d flirt with every man, letting him know how lucky he was to have her and he’d just smile as it happened. She’d make small talk with the most boring of people and he was one of the boring people. Her friends hated him for being such a loser and she never met his friends.
This went on until she found someone ‘better’.

As she slammed the door on his face, he turned around throwing his fists in the air. He could now watch “The Assassins”. He knew she would be okay in a few days and it was fruitless trying to apologise. It would only feed her ego all the more.
He always let her walk two steps ahead. It was easier for him to ogle at the other women and sometimes at her behind (he told her the ‘exercises’ for the gym). He’d let her be boss – at least he wouldn’t make any (wrong) decisions. He would pick her up from the gym when he knew she was tired and wouldn’t stick around him for long and in his defense he was meeting her everyday. He never understood 100 bucks for a glass of juice when he could have a pint of beer for 35! He could play tennis for 3 hours everyday (he chose only Saturday) and her less than 1 hour of gym was a story?? But he loved the loud parties. He didn’t have to talk and even better couldn’t listen to anything she was saying. He would drink his ass off so he could pretend he was drunk. That way no intense conversations would happen. As she flirted with the men he’d smile to himself hoping one of them would take his misery away. Or at least he was glad to share it!! He would be boring so he didn’t have to be pseudo. He would always tell his friends how irritating her friends were. “If you don’t use hair color worth 4000 bucks, you won’t need to buy shampoo worth 1000 every month to protect it”. It was a field day at the tennis court when he told them the stories. He was the most popular guy at the tennis court.
He celebrated the day she found someone ‘better’. “All men are Bastards”, they screamed as they slammed their 5th shot of tequila!

And they lived happily ever after.

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