Bored Shitless too!!

At one point or another all of us use the morbid “I’m bored”. I use it far more often than most, I think. I was so bored that I actually decided to sit down and think why is it that we get bored? You can imagine the intensity of my boredom; me having to sit down and think about being bored.

My work leads me to think of every thing as a project. There’s a certain amount of improvement that can be done in everything. If you can’t identify what can be improved you simply screw up something that’s working absolutely well and then come back to the original way of doing it; thereby showing improvement. This isn’t my philosophy – it’s de facto. And yes, everyone here has heard of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. But sorry, that does not make a “good organization” a “great organization” (or something like that).

Getting back to where I was – bored. I asked a few around me what they do when they’re bored. The answers were far from satisfying and even further from an iota of intelligence. Examples – “I watch TV”, “I read a book”, “I go for a drive”, “I listen to music”, “I shag” (honestly that was one of them), etc. So I rephrased the question and asked them what they do if they’re bored in office. The answers this time were just as unintelligent but at least I now know who I should keep away from. Examples – “I read a book”, “I listen to music”, “I shag” (in office!!!!!), etc.

Some times you have to look for the answers within yourself.

Now I decided I would do some introspection to understand what the moments are where I’m bored. So I sat down to think and the first thought that came to my mind was, “This is so freakin’ boring”. I stopped the introspection right there. This project was going to be a complete failure. Wait, I forgot the rules.

I sat down and listed the things that bore me and took a step further and weighed them on a 10 point scale. 10 bringing out the suicidal tendencies hidden in some far corner of my brain.

1. Driving (2)
2. Dressing up (2)
3. Talking on the phone (3)
4. Watching a movie (this implies random movies) (5)
5. Coffee (5)
6. Listening to people’s problems (6)
7. Looking at other peoples family photographs (6)
8. Listening to people talking about other peoples problems (8)
9. Dinners (7)
10. Official dinners (8)
11. Making a presentation (8.5)
12. Presenting the presentation (9)
13. Talking to certain people (10, could even be 11 or 12)
14. Coming to office ( certainly 11)

I was beginning get somewhere now.

First rule of improvement – identify the problem (or not). Second rule of improvement – define the problem (“Jack” is an acceptable definition). Third rule of improvement – come up with possible solutions (one of which can be to create another problem). Last and final rule of improvement – sustain the solution (the working of which you will understand as you read further).

Here’s what I have been doing of late (purposely written in a figure of speech to make it sound like some rules).

Go to office regularly (haven’t missed a day in 3 months), make it a point to find the most obnoxiously boring character and start up a conversation about someone else’s problems and then sit back and thank the penal code that killing people is illegal. Ask them about their family and tell them you want to see pictures. Then ask them why their “taya ji” is so ugly and listen to how he takes to his mother’s father’s brother. This should be done twice a day, 5 days a week (too much of anything is not good – remember?)

You can always find that absolutely useless thing to make a presentation about. Trust me when you go to office 3 months straight, this becomes a cake walk. Make that presentation with totally irrelevant clip art. Like, put the clip art of Santa Claus on a slide that’s titled “Solution”. Then make it a point to gather a huge audience and ramble on and on about the presentation – till you get that feeling in your chest that doesn’t let you sleep if you’re not in the right position. After that call for a dinner (make it official so you don’t have to pay) and continue discussion on your useless presentation.

After about a month of doing this, I went out for a smoke alone, picked up a coffee on the way. While I smoked I spoke for about 4 minutes on the phone. I like driving around these days and even dress up to take a dump. I don’t feel so bored doing nothing anymore.

Today while I was smoking FB came and said, “Do you know that girl in the HR team? Her brother’s wife’s cousin was fined yesterday for DUI”.

“Really?? Tell me more about it”.

Last and final rule of improvement – sustain the solution.

P.S. Acupressure treatment for a headache is to clamp down hard the soft area that connects the index finger and the thumb. The idea is to cause so much pain that you forget the headache. Really.