Monday, October 19, 2009

Things people say

A guy walked up to me the other day asking for a cigarette. When I flipped open my packet to him – he just casually pulled out a one and said, “I own you”. What???? I was freakin’ offended! I could sock his teeth out! Anyway, I just let it go and carried on with my life…
He walked up to me a few days later and this time I was about to put my lit cigarette up his if he decided to own me anymore! He handed me a cigarette and said, “Here’s the one that I own you”. My anger changed to amusement, I gave him back his cigarette and told him he doesn’t “owe” me anything!

A colleague in office was tired from fasting the entire day. He sent me a message asking, “Are you Hungary”. I replied saying, “No I’m India”. He obviously didn’t get it and no, we didn’t conquer the country together that evening.

One of the trainers in a team that I work with sent out an email to the technology team asking them to inform him when a particular request was complete. “Please intimidate me when this is complete”. (Come here you idiot and I’ll intimidate you)

I have a personal contribution too. And in what style. A vice-president asked me what time I usually work so we could schedule an interview. I mailed him back with the following information. “My shit starts at 8:30am and finishes at 5:30pm”. (I’m the worst case of Diarrhea multiplied 5 times). I only understood when he mailed back asking if that’s how I manage to remain so thin! I replied “Sorry, I meant my shift”.

And here’s my absolute favorite. A new Assistant Manager joined us. My boss asked him to send out some information to one of our clients with a CC to him. The client unsure of who the new assistant manager was mailed back asking who it was that sent the mail. My boss in a generous mood of including all our clients, senior management and us decided to introduce him as “Please welcome John Doe, our new Ass. Manager who will be working under me initially and will eventually move under Jane Smith” (Lucky John, Jane was kind of cute. I wonder what his job description says – “cleans bum to a sparkle”).

P.S. All the above incidents are true. Some were just typo horrors and some God’s creation horrors. I’ll update this as I remember more. It’s just funny how these things sound!
*Names changed in the last incident to protect identity.

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